Dog Poop

Yeah, you read that right. I said Dog Poop.

DOG POOP.

I got a letter from our Neighborhood Watch Committee today. Everyone around here did, not just me. The letter was to inform us that they have had numerous reports of unclaimed dog POOP in our neighborhood. There have been small clusters reported in at least 3 locations!

Well, you can’t tell me that isn’t funny!!  Holey moley!  Unclaimed dog POOP? Small clusters?? Well, count me OUT, I am NOT claiming it!

They say everyone walking their dog has to make sure they are responsible dog owners and MUST bring a bag to be able to clean up their dog’s POOP! We should all be conscientious in our efforts to clean up after our beloved family pets!

Ok!

I haven’t been fortunate enough to see any random dog POOP and I say fortunate enough because if, while walking my dog, we DID see random, unclaimed POOP, my dog would probably eat it. Not because I would encourage him, he is just a little gross like that sometimes. Don’t judge me.

The bigger the dog, the bigger the poop.

So, we have all these loyal dog owners taking their dog(s) out for a walk. Leaving unclaimed POOP all over our neighborhood. I am wondering who you even tell if you see some? Hello, Mr. Neighborhood Watch persident, I was walking my dog and we saw unclaimed poop on the corner of Walnut and Maple Ave? Oh, it’s brown and about 3 pieces, it looks moist, seems fresh. Thank you, have a nice day!

Hahaha, no really! And they seem to have had more than one complaint? Oh my goodness!!!!

So, we are all now walking with a vengance, looking for the anonymous POOPERS!

Sonow, instead of a leisurely walk, we are all on a mission. We stare hard as we pass one another, looking to identify  “the POOP bag”.

Now, there are all kinds of poop “carriers”…

There is the standard plastic bag you get from WalMart or the local grocery store. Very common.  I hate it when they are white (or see-through, eww!) !

You also have the little bags that are specially made for POOP. Yep. They make and sell special little plastic bags for POOP. There is also an optional little carrying case (I think you automatically up your dog-walking fashion score by about 10 points if you have this trendy item) and it allows you to carry those POOP bags in disguise. How cute!

And, lastly, there is the bag, twist-tie and sticky attachable handle ensemble. Adorable! But it’s still a POOP bag!

Soo, yeah, I guess its good that owners clean up after their dog. And even better that my neighborhood is enforcing this practice!

But it’s a gross thing!

I love it when I see a dog walker headed my way, swinging that full POOP bag while they walk. Yeah, they say hello like they aren’t carrying their dogs POOP in a bag RIGHT THERE!!  But, come on, the bag is lumpy and steamy, you know they are carrying POOP! Well, hello to you, too! Nice dog! Huge dump he took, huh? Ewww!!!

I really want to know what they do with that when they get home, too. Do they just throw the bag in the trash? I guess I mean, in the recycle bin? The plastic is recyclable, right? And, I suppose, technically, so is the POOP. Oh my gosh, no wonder our recycle guys are so cranky. P.U.

I have this extreme paranoia that my beloved dog will POOP when I walk him. So I make sure he goes out back in our woods and empties out anything he’s stocking up before I ever take him.

Yes, yes, I still do bring the embarassing POOP bag with me, I carry one scrunched up and folded and hidden as best as I can. Although when walking past other dog owners, I make sure to nonchalantly adjust the bag in my hand so they catch a glimpse of it because I don’t want them thinking I am ‘that’ person, the one who leaves random POOP in our neighborhood!

The thing about that is, if my dog POOPED, we’d be doomed. He is a German Shepherd and his POOPs are serious. Like at least quadruple baggers. And I could probably use a wagon to pull it in. So, I know the neighbors pretty much know that the random poop wasn’t from US. But I am gonna be pretty mad if we do find some and my dog eats it. So, as the Neighborhood  Watch letter requests,  I am diligently joining my fellow dog walkers, looking for the random POOPer so we can all step happily ever after 🙂